Lindsey Lee Price of Leaksville, North Carolina is a father. You wouldn’t know it from looking at the 21-year-old’s MySpace page, though. Yes, it does say "proud father." However, the photos he has posted depict anything but. The fact remains, though, that this moronic milquetoast has indeed fathered a child. The sad thing is, Lindsey wants the world to believe that he is a butterfingers. He’s a milquetoast, no doubt. Clumsy? That comes with the territory. Smoking dope and getting wasted on tequila doesn’t make for good manual dexterity or motor skills –much less parenting. However, it appears that Lindsey is not just a bungling bunghole who can’t walk down a flight of stairs without falling and hurting the baby really, really bad –which is what he claims happened. (I bet he got that haircut while running with scissors.)
The baby has a different version of events. You see, the child had injuries that were already in the process of healing when police responded to a call at the home on February 5 –injuries for which treatment was never sought. We’re not talking about some scratches or some other sort of boo boo. The six-week-old baby had sustained fractured bones and serious head injuries. Lindsey told police that he lost his balance and fell down the stairs with the baby. The medical director at the Children’s Hospital of the King’s Daughters in Norfolk, Virginia said that the injuries the baby had just didn’t match up with the bull he was trying to shovel. Price is being charged with malicious wounding and felony neglect.
A warrant was issued for Lindsey Price’s arrest. After some coaxing from his family, Price turned himself over to North Carolina authorities on February 13th. He’ll be stumbling around the Rockingham County jail until he’s taken back to Newport News. The baby is now with the mother.
Now, let’s take a look at this goofball, courtesy of his MySpace page. Lindsey likes to call himself "LWood." I think it’s because his head is made of knotty pine.
This one is when the baby was born. A father and his new son. How adorable! (Scary, ain’t it?)
This is Lindsey at the beach, sporting the "I’m too much of an imbecile to dress myself" look.
This one is sure to be something Jr. can look back on with fondness. Daddy’s so funny. By the way, he’s "HigH as HeLL" in this one.
Here’s a classic. Oops! Daddy fell down again. He’s so clumsy! Lindsey calls this one "gOnE ON PaTRo’N/."
Lindsey Lee Price, your son deserves much better than you. You deserve much more than you’ll get.
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